yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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