I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
