he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
