two words: eviction party
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
