I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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