i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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