Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
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He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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