i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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