so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
