THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
