we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
