If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
