One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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