I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
