I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
