I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
