this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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