id be glad to
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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