You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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