No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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