You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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