Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
