Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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