Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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