lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
