This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
