i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
