Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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