oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Still dying that you shit outside
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
