i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
