Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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