question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
