do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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