There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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