so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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