who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
