sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
