No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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