I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
