guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
