I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
