TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
