Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
