Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I did not marry a roomba.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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