She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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