Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
