I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
