You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
