I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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