when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
