Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
