There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
