If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
