Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
