Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
