proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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