sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
