i may or may not be watching the land before time
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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