Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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