bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
