Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
