I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
