Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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