If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need help removing her.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
