let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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