The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
