You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
