You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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