At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
