So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We need to get me chipped asap
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
