Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
