Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
