living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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