My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
