If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
