After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
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I want to be your penis for a week.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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