I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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