he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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