why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
