He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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