the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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