I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
