So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
