she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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