Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
